Sam's Birth Story

When I look at you, boy

I can see the road that lies ahead

I can see the love and the sorrow

Sam,

There’s a large window in what I’m fairly certain is supposed to be the dining room of our home. It’s a funny space, though – not quite big enough for a dining table, but with a low, centered chandelier that seems to beckon for a table underneath to make sense of it. I’ve awkwardly filled the space with a white loveseat – as practical as you’d expect with three young children – and a library card catalog that I adore. It was a gift from your dad for our third anniversary, and we store wine bottles in it, which actually do seem a necessity when you spend your days wrangling three small children. Facing the loveseat are a couple of chairs on wheels that you and your brother and sister like to push across the house, though every day – multiple times a day – I dutifully drag them back. And there’s a potted plant, an angel wing begonia that I grew from a cutting your great-grandmother gave me. You recently decided, to my horror, that its dirt makes the best snack. But, cliché as it sounds, I wouldn’t have it any other way, son.

Today is Mother’s Day 2016. I’m looking out that window in our funny little non-dining room, watching a bashful drizzle kiss the expectant earth, reflecting on Mother’s Day 2015. That was another rainy day, but instead of a drizzle, Mother Nature let loose a bluster of violent rain and intense winds. The creek near our house rose 12 feet in only an hour. We spent the day indoors: me, cuddling with your brother and sister and reading books, Daddy making meals and filling sippy cups and generally running the engine that keeps our house functioning. You filled my middle with your seven-pound, unborn body, four days “overdue,” and I couldn’t wait to meet you.

That day idled by with a chorus of thunder and rain serving as the soundtrack. Lying in bed early that evening, I wondered when you’d arrive. If you waited until May 15, I thought, we’d never have Mother’s Day and your birthday overlap, plus 5/15/15 is a palindrome, the same backwards and forwards… I’m content to wait until then.

I awoke a little before midnight with an aching in my back, and I knew you had begun your first difficult journey. 

Bright fields of joy

Dark nights awake in a stormy bed

I want to go with you, but I can’t follow

I couldn’t go back to sleep, but I didn’t want to wake anyone. I spent those pre-dawn hours praying, stretching, singing, reading and awaiting you, the baby to come. Since your brother and sister both kept me waiting for at least 30 hours once labor had begun, I assumed you wouldn’t arrive for another day or so. As the sun awoke, so did your dad and siblings. We busied ourselves with calling Grandmama and PawPaw, who were spending a few weeks in Dallas to await your arrival, to collect Ford and Vivi. When we went outside to start loading the car for the hospital, we found that the windows – following a botched repair a few days earlier at the Honda dealership – had rolled down on their own at some point in the day before, and a veritable sea of that dramatic rain had pooled in our car. Doors sloshed with the sound of water upon opening, gnats had begun to swarm above the saturated floor mats. Once we were finally able to get the ignition to turn over, every warning light on the dashboard lit up. This was not how I imagined my peaceful labor.

We hurried indoors to write a stern but reasonable letter to the dealership, reminding them of the mistakes they had made (and already acknowledged) in servicing my car the week before and asking them to take responsibility for the damage that surely was caused by the flooding. We threw towels over the warped leather car seats and set off on our mission, praying our waterlogged car would get us there. All the while, contractions began to intensify, like a drumbeat marking our warpath toward the dealership.

Your dad spoke to the apologetic service manager as I walked laps around the service bay. We were given a loaner car – a minivan. We laughed at the chaos of what I had hoped would be a calm day, and at the irony of the two of us – who had sworn out of pride never to drive a minivan – in labor with our third child, doing just that.

We took our new wheels to Snider Plaza so that I could get a chiropractic adjustment, then stopped at a coffee shop where I got a coconut water. Daddy opted instead for a protein-packed breakfast of sausage and eggs at Bubba’s. Being 9+ months pregnant is a natural conversation starter, it seems, and as strangers would ask when I was due, your dad got a kick out of telling them, “Five days ago, and she’s in labor right now!”

We filled the day with walks and short naps and cleaning and generally just waiting. During a walk around 5 in the afternoon, my water broke and left me standing on the sidewalk around the corner of my house, soaking, stunned and silenced. My water had never broken before I was at the hospital. I quickly waddled back to the house where I showered, changed clothes and telephoned the doctor on call, Ashley Tovo, who encouraged me to go to the hospital. Into the loaner minivan we went, again with towels, although for reasons much different than earlier in the day! And thus began a humiliating couple of hours in which I was placed in triage where nurse after nurse, seeing how calm and not-in-pain I was, suggested perhaps I had only wet my pants, not ruptured my membranes. Eventually, around 8 p.m., they did a swab and found that the fluid was, in fact, amniotic, and that I could be admitted to Labor & Delivery. 

While walking laps around L&D, I ran into the nurse who helped deliver Vivi, and we had a nice time catching up. My nurse for your delivery, however, was clearly stressed, and I heard her complaining about her patient volume to her colleague when she thought I wasn’t listening. Then I caught her crying outside my delivery room a short time later. I considered requesting a new nurse, but ultimately resigned myself to her, deciding I was probably very close to delivery and should just see this thing through with the same nurse with whom I started.

Tuesday began with an epidural. Your heart rate dropped just after midnight, which began the longest hour of nurses turning me over and contorting me into more positions that I would have guessed possible for a woman who, at this point, couldn’t feel her legs. Moments of calm and listening to music from my iPod were followed by hurried moments of monitoring your heart rate, moving me from one side to the other and giving me oxygen. With a final outburst from the nerve-wracked nurse that, “He’s bradying! We need a table ready now!” the scrubbed-up Dr. Tovo entered the room and told me it was time to push.

After 27 hours of labor, you came out in only two pushes. The cord had wrapped around your neck twice, which explained your low heartbeat. Your eyelid was bruised and your nose was bright red and covered with milia, but to me you were gorgeous with thick, dark hair and the longest feet. “Swimmer’s feet,” the nurse remarked. Seven pounds, six ounces, 20-and-a-half inches long and looking like a pint-sized prizefighter. “I Will” by the Beatles played overhead. You were healthy, whole, and most importantly here. In my arms, this baby that I had prayed for so much. Like your brother and sister, you were born six days after your due date of May 6. We named you Samuel Thorne after my dad, a steady and gentle man. In the last 12 months, I’ve seen those same characteristics in you.

Here I sit by the window, nearly a year later. You will be one this week. I blinked and you went from a tiny, vernix-covered newborn, helpless on my chest, to a curly-headed, twinkly eyed ragamuffin who struts around the house eating dirt pilfered from potted plants. We love you so much more than I can even explain.

It strikes me that motherhood precipitates a unique grief. My heart cries, “Go forth, my children! Conquer, discover, become the fullness of who God has created you to be!” while at the same time mourning what’s left behind. With each milestone, each “R”- and “L”-sound that become more clearly enunciated, every tooth that erupts from the virgin gums and every lovey that is cast aside, I see these rosy, golden days dwindling. I’m at once grateful and wistful. I cry more deeply and laugh with more abandon because of motherhood. I’m steeped to my eyeballs in everything that comprises life with littles. It drives me daily to frustration, yet I grieve how temporal it truly is. So I thank the Lord for my precious arrows (Psalm 127:4-5) and pray that your dad and I will aim you well and you will become a man who loves God and others.

I love you, my steady Sam!

So keep to the old roads

Keep to the old roads

And you’ll find your way

(Andrew Peterson, “You'll Find Your Way”)

Baby G #3 Gets a Blog (Post!)

I’m already working on building character in this third child. Whereas with Ford, my first baby, all I could think about was being pregnant and the impending joy of motherhood; and with Vivi, I relished in the excitement of being a mom to a baby girl, learning to love pink and floral and brimming with thankfulness to teward this mystery of femininity in a daugher; for this precious third gift of life, I truly do often forget I’m pregnant. Not because I feel incredible or don’t have a giant belly at 8+ months pregnant or anything, but because my head is usually spinning wondering where the older child has disappeared, or gritting my teeth as the newly two-year-old insists on doing it “all myself.” So our third child will, for better or worse, probably not often mistake himself for the center of the universe in the same way we might have set his big brother or sister up to.

Case in point: I kept blogs for Ford and Vivi while I was pregnant with them. What does this baby have to show for his time en utero? A whole bunch of sonogram pictures in a drawer that also holds cough syrup, chopsticks and plant tags (I think some people would call that a junk drawer?).

Ummm. Sorry, baby. I promise you, you are no less loved. In fact, you are probably our most prayed-for baby!

Not only did Brad and I spend a ton of time praying about the IDEA of having a third child and when God would have us grow our family – Brad has always been gung-ho about having a big family, and I am in theory, but in practice, the day-to-day is HARD! – but also, there were some quirks with this pregnancy early on that brought me into a real dependence and trust in God and his plan.

I learned I was pregnant EARLY – I think the very first day a pregnancy test could be positive. I scheduled my first sonogram for a few weeks later, and when there should have been an image of an eight-week-old fetus, there was… not much. Maybe a yolk sac? But it wasn’t clear at all, and not consistent with what they would expect, according to my dates. I was told that this could signal an early miscarriage and to come back again in about three weeks if I hadn’t had any symptoms of miscarriage. Three weeks go by and I returned. This time, there was a tiny baby there (still smaller and less developed than they would have expected), but there was also a subchorionic hemmhorage, which my doctor explained was a separation between the placenta and the uterine wall that caused a bleed. It did raise my miscarriage risk, but could also be harmless. She instructed me to take it easy until 20 weeks, when they would do another ultrasound. She also suggested that while unlikely, the abnormalities could signal a chromosomal problem, like a trisomy (Down Syndrome, Edward’s Syndrome, etc.) and recommended further blood work, which Brad and I opted not to do since we pay our medical expenses mostly out of pocket (and even if a trisomy was identified, we wouldn’t do anything about it other than prepare our hearts for those challenges). So much prayer for baby’s health and well-being during that time, and also that Brad and I would be faithful to trust God and feel his peace during the waiting.

Because of the inconsistency in size and appearance, and due to the fact that I tend to go closer to 41 weeks with my pregnancies, my doctor set a later due date for me. She guessed that baby would arrive between May 6 and May 20. I’m no stranger to uncertain due dates, so that’s fine – but I will say, finding out so early has made this pregnancy feel longer! Also, I had terrible nausea from eight to about 14 weeks, the worst of it hitting during a windstorm that knocked out our power for four days! I’ve been receiving regular chiropractic care for a misaligned sacrum (lower back pain), and I was sicker than I’ve been in YEARS around seven months pregnant – double pink eye, double ear infection, bacterial sinus infection – yikes! It’s hard being pregnant and so sick! Fortunately the kids have been really well behaved lately (I credit part of that to us going TV-free!), and Brad, as always, is an incredible support and picks up the slack for me when I’m down for the count.

Speaking of the kids, they are so excited to welcome a baby brother… for the most part. It hasn’t always been so – see video here. But Ford, who has always been tenderhearted and nurturing and is great with babies, now excitedly stores baby toys in his room “for his baby brudder” and talks excitedly about the things he’s going to do to make the baby laugh. Vivi is a mama’s girl through and through, and she becomes extremely jealous and whiny any time I hold a friend’s baby. She insists “I baby!” and falls apart at my feet, hysterical. She LOVES baby dolls and the books we read about becoming a big brother or big sister, but the sight of me with a tinier one than she is too much to handle. I figure it may be a rough adjustment for her, but in time, she will get over it. I also have noticed that as I’ve been more consistently praying for her heart in preparation for the changes ahead, she has softened. I was actually able to babysit a friend’s newborn recently and she didn’t throw a fit once. She asks me lots of questions about the baby in my tummy and has started “petting” my tummy. Ford, whose mind fascinates me, asks me if the baby is going to chew his way out of my belly button and other “process” questions. So far we have tried to answer his questions honestly but in an age-appropriate way. Not sure he’s totally satisfied with our responses… Eeek!

Oh, but I don’t want to leave you hanging! At the 20-week ultrasound, everything about baby boy’s size and anatomy looked perfect. The hemorrhage had reabsorbed and was not going to be an issue.  He was even measuring a bit larger than the doctor’s late due date. Interestingly, his head isn’t as huge as the other kids’ yet – at their 20-week ultrasounds, their heads were proportionally measuring bigger than their bodies – but this guy seems pretty evened-out, so far! Of course, he is a Gaultney, so there is time for that to change. I think he looks a lot like Vivi in profile. Can’t wait to see him in a few short weeks!

Lord, I praise you for your creativity and your perfect plans. Thank you for the tremendous blessing of this baby! What a privilege to be entrusted with another life. Please prepare Brad and me for the task of shepherding his heart, and bring him to know you at an early age. I ask for a smooth and uncomplicated delivery, and that the baby would be healthy… and not colicky, either! 

Vivi's Birth Story

Sweet gentle Virginia Claire, our Vivi girl, whose name means “spring” and “flourishing” and “clear,” and who was born at the beginning of this season that brings new life… She has lived up to her name in just the eight days that she has been with us, bringing a new life to our family and a clear, fresh perspective. She is truly the calmest baby I have ever spent time with. Her older brother’s physical twin, she could not be more different than he in personality. Ford is wild, feisty, determined, and Vivi appears to be preternaturally serene, easy-going and--a godsend in these early days--so sleepy! While her older brother cried for four and a half months straight, Vivi tends merely to squeak if she wants something – and even then, it’s so easy to figure out what she wants and pacify her. She sleeps best when I’m holding her, which I can’t help but take as an affirmation of my role as her mama.

Of course I realize she is only eight days old, and I certainly don’t want to speak too soon. But I am cherishing, treasuring, each little snuggle with this baby child. And her birth was equally different from her brother’s entry into the world, which after four and a half hours of pushing, found us just one push away from a cesarean section.  Before I forget, I want to record the details of how she came to be a part of this world!

I had a doctor’s appointment on Monday morning, March 25, the day before my due date. As you may have read, the doctor said the baby was still floating tremendously high, and that it would likely be at least another week before she would be born. At this point, I had already had two acupuncture treatments, two chiropractic adjustments, and was religiously taking my herbs and consuming certain teas in order to motivate the little one to start moving downward. I really hadn’t even had any contractions, real or false, which was pretty demotivating.

The due date, March 26, came and went (NB: I actually think the real due date was a few days before, March 23, but my doctor’s office was going off of March 26 based on an early ultrasound). Brad and I went on a date while Brad’s aunt and uncle watched Ford. We had gotten spicy Indian food the week before, so we decided to get spicy sushi this time, hoping to smoke the little one out of her hovel. For several days, I had modified my exercise routine to include a really brisk walk while pushing Ford in the stroller, and I’d put one foot on the curb to mimic the feeling of doing a stair-stepper. Those were the only times I thought I might feel some crampiness that could be a contraction. But still, it wasn’t much, if anything.

After reaching out to a few natural-minded mom friends, I decided to take one dose of blue cohosh capsules on Wednesday, March 27. I should note, two out of three of these friends basically suggested that I NOT take blue cohosh, since it may carry some risks, and even natural induction methods are still inductions, which means the baby may not be ready for birth. But I was feeling discouraged and concerned that my doctor would pressure me to induce after my Monday (April 1) appointment, and I really just didn’t want to walk down that road. I took a single blue cohosh pill and went to the nursery to pick up some plants. Ford and I spent the rest of Wednesday in the back yard, planting flowers and peppers and herbs and shrubs, arranging hanging baskets and whiskey barrels, and caring for the tomatoes, purple sage and indigo spires that were already in the ground. I was hoping some heavy labor – hauling bags of potting soil, shoveling deep holes and spending lots of time on my hands and knees – would stimulate another kind of heavy labor, the childbirth kind! Alas, I had no contractions, but I did have a pretty yard to enjoy, and Ford loved spending so much time outdoors.

I woke up early Thursday morning, around 4 a.m., with a painful contraction. I decided to start timing the contractions on my phone, and I was having a strong contraction every five minutes. This was exciting! I was sure this was it, so I got out of bed, took a bath, curled my hair and put on makeup, and tidied up the house while I waited for the boys to wake up. I had a sweet time of praying and thanking God for initiating the labor and asking for a peaceful, complication-free delivery. The contractions were still strong and steady at five minutes apart. Brad and Ford both awoke around 7:30, at which time I told Brad I thought I was in early labor. I knew I had a long way to go before we got to the active labor stage, based on my appointment Monday, so I suggested we plan to get some things done around the house and play with Ford for a few hours until the contractions just really became unbearable. I decided to call the chiropractor for one last adjustment, and she worked me in first thing. Brad drove me to my appointment with Ford in the back seat, and then the strangest thing happened. Once we were in the car, my contractions really became irregular. I had been very conscious of leaning slightly forward and not slouching, since poor posture may cause the baby to rotate into a posterior position, like Ford was, and I didn’t want to go through a forceps delivery again. But in the deep cushy seats of my car, I couldn’t help but slouch. As long as I had a seat belt on, I was forced into a slouchy position. I’m wondering if that just relaxed my body enough to stop contracting.

We continued to the chiropractor, who confirmed that my sacrum had popped out of alignment again. She adjusted me and we were back on the road toward home. At this point my contractions were alternating weak and strong, 16 minutes apart, then two minutes, then 20 minutes, then eight minutes. In short, they were all over the map. This persisted all day long, varying in intensity, frequency and length. They slowed down considerably when I laid down, which led me to believe that I was experiencing false labor. I took a brisk walk with Ford and stayed as active as I could, also taking lots of red raspberry leaf to try to synch things up, but nothing I did would get me contracting regularly. By 5 p.m., my nicely curled hair was a mess and my carefully applied makeup was looking pretty bad. I had read online about prodromal labor – wonky contractions that may be intense, but are just irregular enough that they’re not actually doing anything to the cervix that would move labor along. So frustrating. Brad sweetly offered to take Ford and pick up dinner from Central Market. I requested something light, like fruit salad and a brothy soup. We had a late dinner, visited with our neighbors, Don and Carol, put Ford to bed, and I tried at this point to go ahead and stop the contractions. I took a warm bath and drank a pear cider that Brad had gotten for me, trying to relax enough to stop contracting. But they wouldn’t stop! They were as infrequent as 20 minutes apart and as frequent as two minutes apart, usually pretty painful, but totally unpredictable.

Around 8:30 p.m., I decided to go ahead and call my doctor’s office just to get their opinion. Dr. Lori Romberg, whom I had not met, was on call. I explained what had been going on, and she very sweetly and sympathetically confirmed what I had suspected: That I was experiencing prodromal labor. She informed me that it could go on for days or even weeks, and that it really wasn’t doing anything to precipitate true labor. I just had to wait it out. She suggested a take a big dose of Tylenol P.M. or Benadryl and try to get some sleep, indicating a good night of rest may stop the contractions. So I hung up the phone and took 50 mg of diphenhydramine HCl, Benadryl. I had asked Brad if he would mind sleeping on the futon in Vivi’s room, since I was just so uncomfortable and wanted the whole bed to spread out in. Suddenly, I was having contractions every eight to 12 minutes, and each one was incredibly painful, to the point that I couldn’t speak through them. Not to mention, the Benadryl was starting to kick in, and I was EXHAUSTED. Keep in mind, I had been up and active since 4 a.m.! I would dose off for five minutes, then be awakened by an incredibly painful contraction. I’d run to the bathroom, thinking I was about to throw up, then lay on the floor, wiped out, for a couple of minutes until I got the strength to go back to bed. This process continued for a couple of hours. I never threw up, but I just felt awful. The contractions were so painful that I started making these guttural, whale-like sounds to cope with each one. But still, they were irregular, and pretty far apart. Dr. Romberg’s words kept ringing in my head: This could last for a week or longer. When it became clear to me that I wasn’t going to be able to sleep that night, I decided to call the practice again, a little after midnight. I explained to Dr. Romberg that I was in a lot of pain, and even though it didn’t seem like this was in true labor, I thought something strange was happening and would feel more comfortable coming in to the hospital. She agreed that this was pretty unusual, especially the nausea, and suggested I come right over. Brad had just fallen asleep on the futon, so I woke him and we got dressed for the hospital. We called Don and Carol, who told us to come right over. So we scooped up our sleeping Ford and dropped him off in the pack and play at their house. Then it was off to Baylor, a 10-minute drive from our house!

I was miserable and grumpy the whole ride there. I didn’t want to talk or be touched, I didn’t want any music… I just wanted to sleep. And I was frustrated, SURE that this was false labor and that after they checked my cervix, we’d be sent home and told I still had a long way to go. Nevertheless, we checked in to Labor & Delivery, and I met Dr. Buchanan, a very nice resident who was going to do my exam and determine if I stayed or went. I told him I couldn’t handle any bad news, and that if I was only like a centimeter dilated or less, to lie to me and tell me I was at least a couple of centimeters. He did the exam and said, “Do you want me to lie to you?” I told him no, I needed to know what was actually happening. And he told me I was five to six centimeters dilated and very much in active labor! SO ENCOURAGING! I had unknowingly spent the entire “early labor” period at home. He asked me if I wanted an epidural, and I told him yes, but that I wanted to wait a couple of hours. Since my labor with Ford stalled after I got an epidural, I wanted to endure as long as I possibly could. I only made it about another hour before the contractions were just too painful, though. At the point that they called the anesthesiologist, Dr. Haas – the same INCREDIBLE doctor who did my first epidural! – I was seven to eight centimeters dilated and 100 percent effaced. (By the way, Brad almost lost it while I was getting my epidural! He couldn’t see anything gross, but he got really queasy and lightheaded and had to leave the room! The sweet nurses brought him juice and he had to lie down for a while before he started to feel a little better.) Dr. Buchanan told me that in his book, that’s a natural labor, which made me feel like superwoman, but I think he was just being kind, ha. My water still had not broken by this time, around 5 a.m., so once the epidural kicked in, he suggested I rest for a bit and then they’d return to see if they needed to break my water for me. The baby was still SO high, like minus three station, and the bag of waters was the only thing putting pressure on my cervix to dilate and efface it.

At this point, I need to tell you about our incredible labor and delivery nurse, Gina. We totally hit the jackpot with her. She was personable and fun, and she, like Brad, did endurance races like the Spartan Beast race. But here’s the best part: she got her nursing degree and worked for a few years as an ICU nurse, then went to work for an OB/GYN. During her tenure working for the OB, she began working as a doula for some of the clients, eventually deciding to leave nursing to be a full-time doula! After a few years, she decided to return to nursing, this time in labor and delivery. So it was like I had a doula and a nurse in one. And she was such an encouragement and just so knowledgeable. I had some apprehension about allowing the doctor to break my water (artificial rupture of the membranes, AROM). The doctor had broken my water during my first labor, and things just went haywire, so I didn’t know if the AROM contributed to Ford being posterior or anything. After Dr. Buchanan left the room, Jeanie very appropriately counseled me not to let them pressure me into anything I wasn’t comfortable with, and that once the waters break, it’s harder for the baby to turn if she needs to get into a better position. That makes a lot of sense, since the water is what’s buoying the baby and allowing her to move. So I determined that I would just wait as long as I need to and prepared myself for a long wait before my water broke and we got to the pushing stage. Jeanie turned off the lights and encouraged me and Brad to rest. I would fall asleep for a minute or two, then dream that we had forgotten the infant car seat and wake up. Then I would fall asleep again and the blood pressure cuff would activate and wake me up. Then I’d fall asleep and the fetal monitor would shift and a nurse would rush in to make sure the baby wasn’t in distress. Brad got a solid hour and half nap in, but I was still pretty exhausted by the time Dr. Romberg came into the room to introduce herself, around 7 a.m.

Dr. Romberg was this really cool lady with thick-rimmed glasses, a zig-zag part and a hot pink zebra stripe iPhone cover. I had read her bio on the OB/GYN practice website, and it said she was really active in her church community. We said our “hellos” and I asked her what church she went to. Guess what? She went to Watermark, our church! From that point, we were fast friends, talking about which ministries we all serve in and trying to figure out if we had any friends in common. Dr. Romberg said she had texted Dr. Norwood and that he should be in around 8 a.m., about 45 minutes from then, and he would deliver the baby. She said she’d just check really quick to see where we’re at and how much longer it might be. She did a quick peek and her demeanor totally changed! She started yelling for a nurse to get a table ready, then laughed and said she didn’t think I’d make it 45 minutes – she didn’t even think I’d make it four more contractions! Apparently the baby had been moving downward pretty rapidly since I got the epidural and was ready to go! Brad started feeling queasy again, so he laid down while the nurses started counting for me. After the second contraction, they told me to rest but I could feel the baby trying to get out, it was the weirdest thing. I said, “I think the baby’s trying to—“ and before I could say “birth herself,” Dr. Romberg said, “Whoa, here she comes, go ahead and one last push!” It only took two and a half total contractions of pushing, and baby Vivi was here! It was SO DIFFERENT from my experience with Ford! After a long, long labor at home, she came at the hospital in such a hurry, and they were able to put her right on my chest, unlike last time, and Brad had recovered enough at this point that he got to cut the cord, also unlike last time. Vivi had a strong, lusty cry right from the start. They cleaned her up and she scored two nines on her Apgar tests. Brad held her for a long while as the doctors attended to me for the third stage of labor and the stitching. I had gotten a third degree tear since she was born so “precipitously,” and I ended up having a postpartum hemorrhage. They didn’t do a transfusion, opting to wait until they could test my hematocrit levels the next day to decide if a transfusion would be necessary.

About 30 minutes into my 1.5 hour recovery, I got to feed Vivi for the first time. It was such a gift to have that bonding time soon after birth, since I didn't get to see Ford for four hours after his dramatic entry! The song that was playing when she entered the world was "Beautiful Things" by Gungor, and she is certainly just that -- beautiful. She is named after one of her paternal great grandmothers, who is an inspiration and encouragement to everyone who meets her! Praying that Vivi lives up to her namesake's legacy. We are so thankful for our healthy girl. 

Due Date! (a day late)

Took this photo yesterday, 03/26/13, on the due date! Check out that belly button nub!

Pretend there's no snot on his face. This poor boy has been sick with a cold since Friday or Saturday. Get well, Big Brother! And don't get Mom and Dad sick! Photo of us playing in the backyard yesterday, collecting acorns.

Ford got to spend time with Uncle Roy and Aunt Cheryl yesterday so Brad and I could have a "due date date." We got sushi to help take the sting out of going past the due date, and Ford got to play with Ellie the dog, run around in the backyard, find Easter eggs and watch a little bit of Toy Story!

Well the due date has come and gone with no baby in our arms! Unlike when I was pregnant with Ford and TRULY content to wait as long as he needed (he arrived at 40 weeks + 6 days), I was actually a little down yesterday. Not sad, not throwing a pity party, but I guess like my doctor, I expected SOMETHING to be happening, since this was the second baby and not the first. Not like I thought she'd BE here yesterday, but I thought I might have at least had some contractions at this point, or that I could feel myself carrying low (see photo above... could she BE any higher?!). And I've started having people say things like, "Maybe your due date was off and she's actually due a lot later," which I just don't think is true... If anything, I think she was "due" a few days earlier. And I had one person ask me a couple of days ago why I was still "so small" if I am 40 weeks, and was I sure my "fluid level" was okay. I just think comments like that aren't helpful. And yes, I've gotten at least a couple of texts from well-meaning people who have asked "Where is the baby?!" and I don't like feeling like I'm late on something.

So while my heart tells me that this waiting period is right and good and just to be grateful, my head is causing me to doubt, "Is this normal?" I can't think of anything else I can be doing to get some progress going that I'm not already trying (and I'm not really looking for suggestions :). I AM cherishing these days with Ford, although he's got a full-blown cold AND he's getting ALL FOUR canines at once, and I've heard those are the most painful teeth to erupt. Makes it a little hard to do things like go on "field trips" when a meltdown is always imminent and he has a scary-sounding cough (I'm not worried about it, but it sounds bad!). And finally, Brad has a broken foot... I don't think I've mentioned that here, but he broke it a couple of days after he ran the half marathon on February 17. Needless to say, our daily family walks have not happened for a while, and we're not doing things like going to Northpark Center or White Rock Lake together like we often do. Maybe I have to take back what I said a minute ago... Am I throwing a pity party?! Ha. I guess I just expected these days to look a little different, that's all, and I'm having to adjust my expectations. 

Still, like I posted a few days ago, we have TONS of people blessing us in really wonderful ways. Roy and Cheryl have watched Ford once a week for the past THREE WEEKS so Brad and I can go on a date. We had a fun time splurging on sushi last night and just enjoying what may be one of our last dates for a while! It was really sweet (and delicious!).

Overall, everything is great and we are so fortunate to be where we are, waiting to welcome a new baby into our family. I am still nervous about HOW she's going to get here, praying that she's not OP, that the delivery is quicker than last time, smooth and uncomplicated, that C-section will be avoided (and induction, too! Why not?), for a healthy baby and that everyone will adjust well to the changes.

More soon. Sorry if this seemed like a big complaint... I don't mean for it to, just trying to share the state of my heart and where we're all at! In the meantime, I'm going to take Ford for a vigorous walk! :)

40 Weeks Update

Two posts in one day! See below for a post on how much I have appreciated sweet gestures and random acts of kindness lately!

How big is baby? I guess close to 8 lbs, if she's following the trajectory my doctor predicted! Hoping she doesn't get much bigger, eek. 

Weight gain/loss: No gain from last week! Still 24 pounds gained in this pregnancy.

Sleep: Well, you know. Predictably not so good, but it's just part of God's way of preparing me for nights with a newborn. Just wish I could nap during the day... I'm really not a good napper! 

Movement: Moving! I saw a different doctor this morning for my weekly appointment -- my doc was performing an emergency C-section -- and he was a lot more positive and encouraging. I had seen this doctor once before, right after I delivered Ford, and he was just as nice as I remembered. Anyway, this doctor was able to feel for the position of the baby just by palpating my belly. He could tell she is turned so that she's facing my right hip (at least during the appointment she was, but she's moving a lot!). That put to rest some of my fears that the baby is OP, like Ford was, although Dr. J did say she could turn either direction (posterior or anterior) once labor begins.

Symptoms: Leg pain is back! My right leg spider vein has been throbbing. I'm even sleeping with my compression stockings on now. Overall though, feeling very good.

Belly button: Out!

Food cravings: Nothing in particular, although I have been eating the chocolate cake like crazy (see post below).

Gender: Sweet Baby Girl! 

What I miss? Not much! Really, I'm cherishing these last days of "relative autonomy," before a newborn turns our world blissfully upside-down. :) Lots of sweet time with Ford and Brad, walks by myself, treasuring feeling baby girl kick...

What I'm looking forward to? Still just having some idea of how baby will arrive and when. The doctor this morning guessed it will be at least another week, so we may be having an April baby rather than a March baby. More expensive birth stone! Ha. I'm totally not impatient at all, and I want her to come when she's ready. But I know some people are making travel plans (and Easter plans!) around the baby's arrival, which stresses me out just a little. Not because they are MAKING me feel stressed, but because I would like to be able to give them a definitive date. And of course I don't want my doctor to start getting impatient, or maybe I should say more impatient. So it would be nice to have a clear idea of when she will be here! I guess she'll be here before April 8, since that's two weeks after my due date. I have been going to the chiropractor, who told me my sacrum was out of alignment, and the acupuncturist, who was shocked when I came back for a second appointment ("You no have baby yet? I think... you have... baby tonight.") Also taking lots of walks, herbs, stretching, doing my "spinning babies" poses to do everything I can to avoid having her turn OP... We're in full-on "get ready for baby" mode!  

Big Brother:Oy. I know I have said this every week for the past few weeks, but his love for "Mama" knows no bounds. I'm actually a little nervous about how he'll handle me being at the hospital for a couple of days. Brad took him to run an errand while I was at my doctor appointment this morning, and when they returned to an empty house (my OB and chiro appointments both ran way late), Ford burst into tears and was screaming "Moooommmmmy!!!!" Overall, he's still cracking us up daily and blowing me away with the new words he's learning. Lots of fun. With that, though, have been two or three days of skipped naps, a cold (and bronchitis?), teething... Lots of good with a few challenges mixed in to keep us grounded. He discovered the train table at Barnes & Noble last night and was OBSESSED. He has been asking to read the "New Baby" book a lot, a Little Critters book called "The New Baby." The thing is, I don't like that book much -- makes bringing a new baby home sound like a drag ("I read my favorite picture book to the baby but all she did was cry!"), so I always make up words ("Sometimes babies cry, but it's their way of telling us what they need. Babies are sweet!"). Ha.

I'll try to be back tomorrow with a due date post! 

On Kindness

Just a little bit of kindness

Can go a long, long way

Just a little bit of tenderness

Can brighten up a day... 

Excerpt from "Kindness" by Alice Joyce Davidson

I recited the full text of that (admittedly pretty cheesy) poem at the Association of Christian Schools International Speech Meet when I was in third grade. Funny how the things you learn and memorize way back then stay with you! I may not remember my drivers license number every time, but I do remember most of my speech meet pieces!

That stanza sets up the point of this post, though: How MUCH I have been touched by the kindness of others, particularly at the end of this pregnancy! From texts and Facebook posts by sweet and encouraging friends (read: NOT the ones who say things like, "WHERE'S THAT BABY?!" but the ones who remind me of the fun ahead and tell me that they're praying for the birth) to my surprise baby shower to other incredible acts of kindness.

A few more that come to mind are my friend Lisa from Bible study gifting me some really fantastic used baby gear; my acupuncturist/herbalist giving me every piece of personal contact info that he can in case I need him at any hour; Alison and Lola coming over for a playdate/visit and bringing us an armful of Starbucks pastries; our neighbors and Brad's aunt and uncle watching Ford so I can either get stuff done around the house or Brad and I can go on dates; Abby coming over for a visit and making the sweetest framed art for baby girl's room; and more, so much more!

To be clear, people have done a TON of stuff to bless us during this pregnancy. My mom has bought baby girl a TON of sweet clothes (and Aunt Brittney, Tara and others have added to her stockpile, too!), and Tara and Katy loaned me maternity clothes, and Shelly gifted us a boatload of Liliana's precious smocked dresses and other special outfits, enough to keep her well dressed for at least a couple of years! Above are just a few examples of things that have blessed us in the last few weeks. If I didn't mention you by name, please don't think I'm any less grateful! 

I wanted to share some pictures from the play group shower, but they have disappeared from my phone. Basically, a bunch of us gathered at Kimie's house for the normal Monday morning play group, but Kimie had rallied the girls to bring some hand-me-down (many with tags still attached!) baby girl clothes, since I hadn't had any showers. Anne brought cupcakes and Kimie made bran muffins with cream cheese frosting, along with yummy oolong tea. I opened gifts and "ooohed" and "ahhhed" while the kiddos milled around and played. I will forever cherish the memory of that time with friends!

A couple of weeks ago, Kimie so sweetly agreed to take pics of me and Ford at a park in Richardson to capture what it's like in these last days of it being just Mommy and Ford. She took up photography as a hobby not long ago and is REALLY talented! Below are a few of my favorite shots from our time together. Such a sweet gift to have these precious days captured in photos!

Ford and his friend, Kimie's daughter Lucy, whom Ford affectionately calls "Nnnlooooosy." And she reciprocates by signing the word for "forehead" for his name (or at least she did once, which Kimie and I thought was hilarious!).

Do not try to get between a toddler and his snack.

Feeding the ducks. Ford gave them approximately two small bites of bread and ate the rest himself.

I feel like Ford looks like a stuffed animal here. Does that make any sense?!

Again with the snacks.

Toddler Thug Life.

And finally, this knocked my socks off... Brad's cousin's wife Shelly, whom I've mentioned here before, has been such an encouragement to me during both of my pregnancies. She is a childbirth guru, both because she apprenticed with a midwife when she was 19 or so (Shelly, correct me if I'm wrong!), and because she has had four beautiful babies herself, and each birth was a little different, so she's seen and experienced the full spectrum of how things can go, from a birth scenario. She is also just really wise and discerning. She recently moved from the Denton area to Montreal with her family as her husband works with a church group in Canada. I emailed her a few weeks ago telling her that I missed her and I could really use a piece of her amazing chocolate cake. She emailed me again early this week to say that her chocolate cake was on its way. I couldn't imagine what she had planned... Mailing me a box of ingredients? Going to have her mom, who still lives in North Texas, deliver a fully baked cake? It was exciting all week to see what would show up and when! So Saturday it was SUCH a treat to have her cousin's wife, who happens to be a friend of mine through our church, show up on our doorstep bearing a GIANT chocolate cake with pink, cream cheese frosting, and gifts! Murphy (Shelly's cousin) and Lauren also brought along a couple of gifts: one was a pink piggy, like Liliana's beloved Piggy, from Shelly, and the other was a sweet little Janie & Jack sailor dress from Murphy and Lauren. Such an AMAZING surprise on a rainy Saturday, and the cake could not be tastier. I have already eaten an embarrassing number of servings! Ahhhh! Shelly dreamed up this sweet surprise, and Lauren executed it. I could not have felt more loved or supported!

My heroes! Murphy and Lauren Stroope. An added bonus of their visit was learning that we live really close to them! I feel like no one from church lives within a 10-minute radius of us, and they are within 10 minutes! P.S. LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT CAKE.

Of course Piggy had to have a slice, too. :)

39 weeks update

Another week, another doctor's appointment. Must be time for a weekly update! But first, here's a funny photo of me getting photobombed while trying to snap a 38 weeks belly shot. :)

How big is baby? I guess close to 7.5 lbs, if my doctor is accurate! Crazy, that sounds so big to me.

Weight gain/loss: I've gained 2 lbs in the last week, so that puts me up to 24 lbs gain. Fingers crossed that it comes off quickly! It did last time, but I think that was because Ford was SUCH a hearty eater. Hoping for a voracious appetite with this little one too.

Sleep: Oh goodness, it's been rough! I think because we're in that in-between phase of not really needing AC but not needing heat either, I just feel so HOT at night! I finally caved and turned on the AC, which made for a more comfortable night.

Movement: Moving! She's head down and I think she's facing my left hip, based on where I feel rolls, punches, etc. She is still CRAZY high, according to my doctor, and not even close to being "engaged," which he says she should be at this point. I'm discouraged but not without hope. I still have a week until my due date, and I'm plenty happy to go three more weeks (to 42 weeks) before any interventions (induction, etc.). I had thought I would wait until the due date before starting any natural induction methods, like acupuncture or chiropractic, but I was more progressed at this point with Ford, and you may remember that even that was not much. So I went ahead and scheduled an acupuncture appointment for later this week, just to see if we can get baby girl moving in the right direction. It worked last time! I went into labor a little over 24 hours after my first of two acupuncture appointments with Ford. I definitely don't want to jump start anything before Baby Girl is ready, but I would also love to know that SOMETHING is happening.   

Symptoms: Occasionally a sore lower back, which makes me fear she is OP like Ford was, but it could just be normal pregnancy aches, too. All in all, feeling better than I probably should! Ha! 

Belly button: Out!

Food cravings: Nothing in particular! I'm eating fewer carbs, which is good, since I had been overdoing it for a while there. Tonight is date night while Brad's aunt and uncle hang out with Ford for a couple of hours. We're going to get spicy Indian food to see if that spurs Baby Girl to move into position. I think that's just an old wives' tale, but we do enjoy our Indian food!

Gender: Sweet Baby Girl! 

What I miss? Not much! Asking God for peace during the waiting and peace whatever the outcome. I would love to have a smooth, uncomplicated delivery, no C-section, and a healthy baby girl, but ultimately I just want Christ's peace to reign in my heart and mind.

What I'm looking forward to? Same as last week: Knowing how this is all going to go down. :) Waiting is hard. It was easier and sweeter last time when I was blissfully unaware of how difficult Ford's birth would be. Now, especially after my appointment, I just have this sense of nervousness. I know that's not from God, so I'm asking him to give me a peace that passes understanding and can only come from the Spirit of Christ ruling in my heart!

Big Brother:What a funny boy. In SUCH a "mama" phase right now. He has been a total angel for me the last few days, and we had a lot of fun over the weekend while Brad was out of town... Lots of sweet, special "Mommy and Ford" time. But he can turn on a dime (I guess that's part of being a toddler??), usually at the most unexpected moments. He was playing at our neighbors' house over the weekend so I could get a couple of things done. I should mention, he ADORES our neighbors and asks for them daily. We can't even go play in the backyard without him pleading, "Don Don? Don Don?" as if he's saying, "Can we go to Don's house?" But something set him off during the time he was there, and he couldn't be consoled. That has happened with Brad watching him recently too, and then when we picked him up from Brad's aunt and uncle's house last week after a short date, he totally came unglued for no apparent reason. It's just hard to know what's going on in his mind! He has such a sensitive heart. We were watching Peter Pan a couple of weeks ago, and the part where Captain Hook and the crocodile are playing cat and mouse COMPLETELY freaked him out. Running from the room, sobbing, hysterics. He has started asking for his friends by name, which warms my heart because it makes me feel like he's developing the beginnings of real friendships. He also loves to exclaim, "FUN!" when we're doing something he enjoys. He's putting together strings of words, like "Mama's shoes" or "head hurts" or "red ball," and he answers questions that have to do with more than just, "What color is the ball?" "Yeddow (yellow)"; like if I ask him how he slept last night, he'll say "Good." We were playing in the driveway over the weekend, and he pointed at my car and said "Mama's car," then he pointed at Brad's car and said "Dada's truck," then he stopped and I could see the wheels in his head turning before he exclaimed joyfully, pointing at both cars at the same time, "TWO CARS!" Of course it sounded more like "two tawhs," but I can't even explain how exhilarating and fascinating it is to watch him learn and discover. Life with Ford at this age is never, ever boring! My sweet friend Kimie took some pictures of us at a park recently, and I want to do a full post soon with those pictures and some other goodness. Stay tuned!